the lesson of the moth

i was talking to a moth
the other evening
he was trying to break into
an electric light bulb
and fry himself on the wires

why do you fellows
pull this stunt i asked him
because it is the conventional
thing for moths or why
if that had been an uncovered
candle instead of an electric
light bulb you would
now be a small unsightly cinder
have you no sense

plenty of it he answered
but at times we get tired
of using it
we get bored with the routine
and crave beauty
and excitement
fire is beautiful
and we know that if we get
too close it will kill us
but what does that matter
it is better to be happy
for a moment
and be burned up with beauty
than to live a long time
and be bored all the while
so we wad all our life up
into one little roll
and then we shoot the roll
that is what life is for
it is better to be a part of beauty
for one instant and then cease to
exist than to exist forever
and never be a part of beauty
our attitude toward life
is come easy go easy
we are like human beings
used to be before they became
too civilized to enjoy themselves

and before i could argue him
out of his philosophy
he went and immolated himself
on a patent cigar lighter
i do not agree with him
myself i would rather have
half the happiness and twice
the longevity

but at the same time i wish
there was something i wanted
as badly as he wanted to fry himself

Part III...

Wow

i like squares

I remember in middle school one day I came to the realization that the 4th dimension was time. I thought this was the most revolutionary idea at the time, and it was probably the only thought that ran through my head for a solid week. Now that I'm older I've come to the realization that people have been aware of this for a really long time. Still I want to expand on this and touch on some things that may be pertinent, perhaps even useful.

Speaking in absolutes, time isn't actually the "4th dimension". From our perspective time is a variable that we aren't able to control whatsoever. Not only that, but we can only recognize our existence at one point in time. We may remember the past but that's nothing more than a memory or an image stored in the brain. Not any more real than a picture stored in a camera. Imagine if we existed in the 4th dimension. Time becomes not a variable, but a dimension that we exist in. The past, present, and future becomes a "location" that we exist in, kind of like how 3-dimensional space is the location that we exist in right now. If God exists through all of time, then time must be a constant for him. If so, is there a variable that God travels through in the same way that we travel through time?

We always have a tendency to live in moments. In whatever form it appears in, pleasure has such a strong influence in our lives. Pride, lust, greed, sloth, gluttony, etc., are all grounded in a specific moment in time. A specific point of reference in which that happiness comes from. At that moment everything in the past and the future becomes irrelevant, and all focus is diverted towards the present. "Pride, lust, greed, sloth, gluttony"--I just listed off things that are "bad" but by no means is pleasure limited. Spending quality time with close friends, scoring the winning goal, rejoicing the election of a new President...all moments in which we rejoice in the present.

Part II...

"A good hockey player plays where the puck is. A great hockey player plays where the puck is going to be." - Wayne Gretzky

Wayne Gretzky wasn't known for his stature, strength, or speed. He was unimpressive in those regards even before he joined the NHL. Instead what placed him above every other hockey player was his awareness of the flow of the game. He would skilfully dodge checks, predict where the puck was heading, and always make the right decision at the right time. The same goes with poker. What separates a professional from an amateur isn't their ability to keep a straight face nor is it their ability to read an opponent's face. Although impressive, reading another person's hand is not what makes a profitable poker player either. Poker skill is in the ability to predict the opponent's next move. Skillful poker is making decisions based on what puts you in the best position in the future.

Unfortunately not everyone is blessed with the amazing abilities of Wayne Gretzky and thus this awareness is something that lacks in our day to day lives. If Wayne Gretzky was a President, perhaps he could have avoided this economic crisis...Unfortunately as long as I have plenty of money in the bank, and people convincing me that the future is bright, I feel no need to worry about what may happen in the future, the 4th dimension. My attention shifts to pleasure. Pleasure in the daily happenings of being in Ann Arbor. No one's going to tell me that my undying love for computer programming or bowling is harmful. After all, if I pursue a programming related career I'll be able to fit perfectly into a niche in society that is in high demand--software development. And outside of the second hand smoke, bowling is a fun, relaxing, SOCIAL hobby that can be enjoyed with everyone else. But what if it's exactly these things, being consumed by these seemingly innocent, perhaps even "productive" activities, that ends up distracting us and fucking us over?

Alcohol is not the only way to get piss drunk.

I wonder what it's like to be grown up. I've heard that as you get older you start to see a ceiling above you, and that ceiling becomes clearer and clearer with each passing day. I've seen that as people get older they become more content with what they have with each passing day. I've seen life that was so vibrant and bright grow dimmer and dimmer with each passing day. One day in church I heard the pastor urge the congregation to never let their passion for evangelism fade. He shared about how people often lose interest in church community after college, justifying the whole thing as "just a phase".

"Grown up" uses the past tense because the growing process is done. There is nothing left for itself but to follow the laws of physics and gradually decay. Bones rust and the flesh weakens. Finally upon death we decompose back into nature. Eventually there's no trace left of our own identity in this world. Not a single soul left that remembers those contributions to this world, which you were once so proud of. Of course that's such a sad and depressing thought that I never like to think about it. I guess we're the first species to become conscious of this inconvenient truth. Ironically we approach it in the same way that every other organism in this universe does. Just focus on the task at hand. Don't bite the hand that feeds, don't bother if that person's an inconvenience, and WHATEVER YOU DO don't look under the foundation. You might realize that there really is nothing underneath.

Tiny, noiseless sparks in the sky.

TONG POO

that's some nasty shit

There's a phenomenon going on right now (at least to me). Everything is speeding up. Even the process of speeding up is speeding up. That video I posted said something about how information is doubling every two years or whatever. That's pretty ridiculous. The baller method of transportation used to be a carriage back in the day. Now it's common for people to fly from one continent to another. Even at an individual level, more is demanded out of people than ever before. So why is everything speeding up?

I think in high school I learned something about how when anything heats up, the molecules or whatever start moving faster. When you turn the oven on, the oven gains energy but it can't go anywhere. The energy density increases and you get a hot oven. In our world, the earth is our oven. We can send shit out into our atmosphere and beyond, but we still have our entire world population stuck on earth. Earth is starting to get hot right now, and unless we find a way to vent out stuff, shit is going to start melting. It does seem ridiculous spending billions of tax money just to send some people out to space, but maybe an absolute necessity when the survival of mankind is of any interest.