the lesson of the moth

i was talking to a moth
the other evening
he was trying to break into
an electric light bulb
and fry himself on the wires

why do you fellows
pull this stunt i asked him
because it is the conventional
thing for moths or why
if that had been an uncovered
candle instead of an electric
light bulb you would
now be a small unsightly cinder
have you no sense

plenty of it he answered
but at times we get tired
of using it
we get bored with the routine
and crave beauty
and excitement
fire is beautiful
and we know that if we get
too close it will kill us
but what does that matter
it is better to be happy
for a moment
and be burned up with beauty
than to live a long time
and be bored all the while
so we wad all our life up
into one little roll
and then we shoot the roll
that is what life is for
it is better to be a part of beauty
for one instant and then cease to
exist than to exist forever
and never be a part of beauty
our attitude toward life
is come easy go easy
we are like human beings
used to be before they became
too civilized to enjoy themselves

and before i could argue him
out of his philosophy
he went and immolated himself
on a patent cigar lighter
i do not agree with him
myself i would rather have
half the happiness and twice
the longevity

but at the same time i wish
there was something i wanted
as badly as he wanted to fry himself

Part III...

Wow

i like squares

I remember in middle school one day I came to the realization that the 4th dimension was time. I thought this was the most revolutionary idea at the time, and it was probably the only thought that ran through my head for a solid week. Now that I'm older I've come to the realization that people have been aware of this for a really long time. Still I want to expand on this and touch on some things that may be pertinent, perhaps even useful.

Speaking in absolutes, time isn't actually the "4th dimension". From our perspective time is a variable that we aren't able to control whatsoever. Not only that, but we can only recognize our existence at one point in time. We may remember the past but that's nothing more than a memory or an image stored in the brain. Not any more real than a picture stored in a camera. Imagine if we existed in the 4th dimension. Time becomes not a variable, but a dimension that we exist in. The past, present, and future becomes a "location" that we exist in, kind of like how 3-dimensional space is the location that we exist in right now. If God exists through all of time, then time must be a constant for him. If so, is there a variable that God travels through in the same way that we travel through time?

We always have a tendency to live in moments. In whatever form it appears in, pleasure has such a strong influence in our lives. Pride, lust, greed, sloth, gluttony, etc., are all grounded in a specific moment in time. A specific point of reference in which that happiness comes from. At that moment everything in the past and the future becomes irrelevant, and all focus is diverted towards the present. "Pride, lust, greed, sloth, gluttony"--I just listed off things that are "bad" but by no means is pleasure limited. Spending quality time with close friends, scoring the winning goal, rejoicing the election of a new President...all moments in which we rejoice in the present.

Part II...

"A good hockey player plays where the puck is. A great hockey player plays where the puck is going to be." - Wayne Gretzky

Wayne Gretzky wasn't known for his stature, strength, or speed. He was unimpressive in those regards even before he joined the NHL. Instead what placed him above every other hockey player was his awareness of the flow of the game. He would skilfully dodge checks, predict where the puck was heading, and always make the right decision at the right time. The same goes with poker. What separates a professional from an amateur isn't their ability to keep a straight face nor is it their ability to read an opponent's face. Although impressive, reading another person's hand is not what makes a profitable poker player either. Poker skill is in the ability to predict the opponent's next move. Skillful poker is making decisions based on what puts you in the best position in the future.

Unfortunately not everyone is blessed with the amazing abilities of Wayne Gretzky and thus this awareness is something that lacks in our day to day lives. If Wayne Gretzky was a President, perhaps he could have avoided this economic crisis...Unfortunately as long as I have plenty of money in the bank, and people convincing me that the future is bright, I feel no need to worry about what may happen in the future, the 4th dimension. My attention shifts to pleasure. Pleasure in the daily happenings of being in Ann Arbor. No one's going to tell me that my undying love for computer programming or bowling is harmful. After all, if I pursue a programming related career I'll be able to fit perfectly into a niche in society that is in high demand--software development. And outside of the second hand smoke, bowling is a fun, relaxing, SOCIAL hobby that can be enjoyed with everyone else. But what if it's exactly these things, being consumed by these seemingly innocent, perhaps even "productive" activities, that ends up distracting us and fucking us over?

Alcohol is not the only way to get piss drunk.

I wonder what it's like to be grown up. I've heard that as you get older you start to see a ceiling above you, and that ceiling becomes clearer and clearer with each passing day. I've seen that as people get older they become more content with what they have with each passing day. I've seen life that was so vibrant and bright grow dimmer and dimmer with each passing day. One day in church I heard the pastor urge the congregation to never let their passion for evangelism fade. He shared about how people often lose interest in church community after college, justifying the whole thing as "just a phase".

"Grown up" uses the past tense because the growing process is done. There is nothing left for itself but to follow the laws of physics and gradually decay. Bones rust and the flesh weakens. Finally upon death we decompose back into nature. Eventually there's no trace left of our own identity in this world. Not a single soul left that remembers those contributions to this world, which you were once so proud of. Of course that's such a sad and depressing thought that I never like to think about it. I guess we're the first species to become conscious of this inconvenient truth. Ironically we approach it in the same way that every other organism in this universe does. Just focus on the task at hand. Don't bite the hand that feeds, don't bother if that person's an inconvenience, and WHATEVER YOU DO don't look under the foundation. You might realize that there really is nothing underneath.

Tiny, noiseless sparks in the sky.

TONG POO

that's some nasty shit

There's a phenomenon going on right now (at least to me). Everything is speeding up. Even the process of speeding up is speeding up. That video I posted said something about how information is doubling every two years or whatever. That's pretty ridiculous. The baller method of transportation used to be a carriage back in the day. Now it's common for people to fly from one continent to another. Even at an individual level, more is demanded out of people than ever before. So why is everything speeding up?

I think in high school I learned something about how when anything heats up, the molecules or whatever start moving faster. When you turn the oven on, the oven gains energy but it can't go anywhere. The energy density increases and you get a hot oven. In our world, the earth is our oven. We can send shit out into our atmosphere and beyond, but we still have our entire world population stuck on earth. Earth is starting to get hot right now, and unless we find a way to vent out stuff, shit is going to start melting. It does seem ridiculous spending billions of tax money just to send some people out to space, but maybe an absolute necessity when the survival of mankind is of any interest.

I just ran into this video on digg and the only real thought running through my mind while watching this was "uggggggggggggggh". I don't really know what that means. Apparently some educated people are calling this the information age, and I guess I can see why. Us monkeys have inhabited this world for a while now. From our birthplace in Africa (or whatever) we expanded out to every inhabitable peace of land on this planet and conquered every other creature on this earth. Now, overcoming this distance barrier through technology, nations from every corner of this planet are converging together. Our world has expanded so much within the past generation. There's some quote out there that says every single person will have 15 minutes of fame or something, but I disagree. Thinking relative to the individual mind is becoming outdated. The big picture is that the cumulative whole of every single person on earth is becoming an entity in and of itself.

My phone is a handy gadget that keeps me connected. Err, excuse me. By phone I meant iPhone. You see, my "phone" is much greater than your phone because not only can I use it to call people, I can use it for web browsing, e-mail, text messaging, task manager, and a virtual shotgun. I need to stay connected to get stuff done. I need to get stuff done because....ugggggggggggggggh. Fuck. I don't really know what that means. Anyways, my iPhone serves a greater purpose than my own. Even a greater purpose than the people on my contact list. We are driven to cast ropes across to one another. We are driven to cast them as far off as we can. Once that connection is made, we reinforce it and we secure it. While all of this is happening, we are all constantly moving in varying directions. Yet because we are now connected to one another, when one individual moves, so do the people connected to that individual. Thus gradually we begin to move more in unison as our ropes gain depth and breath. This has been going on since the beginning of time. Communities are formed through communication, the obvious difference is that now I can communicate with someone at the other side of the world almost instantaneously with one phone call. It's the basics of teamwork but on such a humongous scale that the implications are irrelevant and indistinguishable to our every day lives.

Not that I read a lot of biographies, but The Autobiography of Malcolm X just has to be one of the best books around. Like anyone who's story is worth knowing, Malcolm X comes in from far left not just in the environment he was raised in, but in the way he perceived the world around him. At one point he was convinced that all white people were the devil in disguise. Even those that were kind towards him acted in that way to disguise this truth. Imagine that. He doesn't use the word devil figuratively. He honestly believed that every single white person was actually the devil in disguise, and their only purpose is to oppress each and every single black person into submission. He may have been crazy, but he was still very perceptive and far from dumb. Imagine that. I wonder how it would feel for a white American living in Malcolm X's time to read this book.

Anyways, I think biographies are a nice change-up to most fiction. When the biography is sufficiently accurate, the main "character" shows the full range of complexity that exists in any single person. Fictional characters are cool too, but sometimes stray so far away from reality that their existence becomes implausible. If you want to make a story that's really shitty just create a bunch of unrealistic characters in an unrealistic plot line. If you do it well enough you might come out with a hilarious story. It's like a magic show. Magicians convince the audience that although it's impossible by the laws of physics for the bunny rabbit to disappear into the top hat and jump out from the magician's hand, the bunny rabbit did indeed disappear into the top hat and jump out from the magician's hand. The bunny rabbit ignored Newton's law of Physics and transported from one location to another instantaneously! Magic! The power of illusion lies within ourselves, in the way that we were created. The desire to unbind ourselves from the laws of the universe. It's another tool we use to reach greater heights.

Unfortunately, there are some things we simply can not ignore. We create aircraft that can counteract gravity, not by ignoring gravity. Food gets placed on the table only through work, and civilizations rise only through War not Peace.

War & Peace

Is war as old as gravity?

If I love peace do I have to love trees?

Are there animals that like peace and animals that like war?

Is peace quiet?

Is making war an instinct we inherited from our hunting or farming ancestors?

Were farmers the first warriors?

Do we love without thinking?

Do we do the right thing without thinking?

When children fight with their brothers and sisters are they learning how to make war?

How do we test the limit of our bodies without war?

Why do they compare war to a man and peace to a woman?

Peace is unpredictable.

Why is war so exciting?

War is the best game and the worst life.

Is peace the hardest work?

Is peace a time of tension?

What are the different kinds of victory, in a war, in a race?

Is despair a solution?

Why is it dangerous to say "never forget"?

But I digress with all of this music stuff. What I'm trying to say is that the highest form of art (for me) isn't realism but escapism. I lose myself in a feeble angry mind when I listen to Nine Inch Nails, not the other way around. I enjoy it because during that time all the problems and worries of this world disappear, and the world becomes simple again. I hate worthless talk and these worthless thoughts that cloud my mind. To me simple always seems "the best". The days when nap times were scheduled in school seemed "the best". A child-like heart would be "the best".

Genuine change is genuinely hard. Analogies and proverbs are clever and stick to the mind but seldom to the heart. You can fool yourself but you can't fool me...and when our meek expectations fail us, we fluff and forget.

"You complain for the life you're supposed to have
But when you try to make plans God is known to laugh"

I'll just stay thankful and be "the best".





P.S. I'd like to know what people think of this blog so far. I had an idea of what this blog would look like and I feel like I completely missed my mark. Gimme some feedback! Thanks

Kid Cudi

I listen to rap music mostly because there's just so much of it out there. To be honest I don't connect with 99% of the artists in the rap industry because 1) I'm not black 2) My values usually don't align with theirs. Nevertheless there's still a good amount of talented rappers and producers out there and I enjoy a lot of the music out there.

Kid Cudi, on the other hand, hit me at a completely different level. This dude's the fucking shit and I can only hope that other people can enjoy his music as much as I do. In fact if you are reading this I highly recommend that you download his mixtape.

http://www.zshare.net/download/1549107772aa93ea/

The video up top is a cover for Day N Nite that I thought was pretty good. The original song has an upbeat dance tempo even though the actual song is pretty depressing. This cover version brings out the true flavor of this song in all its emo glory. Despite all the praise I just gave him, truth be told the only real material he has is this one mixtape. However, never underestimate the power of 17 low sound quality tracks because this mixtape landed him a spot on Kanye's Good Music label and more attention than this goofy Cleveland native may be able to handle. I just hope that he'll be able to carry whatever new burdens may fall upon him.






There seems to be a new wave of rap music on the rise running along a similar thread as Kid Cudi...I am excited.

Born in New York City and raised by parents rooted in the Japanese music industry, Utada Hikaru always had talent for music. At age 16 her Japanese debut album "First Love" sold over 2 million albums during her first week alone and is still the best selling album in Japanese music history. Since she began writing her own music at the age of 12, she has always led the direction of all the music she produced. Sure she's a talented singer/songerwriter but to me she represents more than just that.

Whether we see it directly or indirectly, faith and philosophy has always embedded itself into our culture to shape the way we see the world around us. This rule encompasses everyone regardless of whether or not we embrace or reject what we see around us. I suppose that's one explanation to why I connect with her so well. The language of her lyrics are Japanese, but the language of her music isn't. In her music she makes plenty of references to faith and prayer but she clearly isn't religious. Although an iconic pop star in Japan, she says that she can never be Japanese...nor American. She has neither sold out nor has she become irrelevant, and her music continues to evolve as well as her themes.

I was always the black (yellow?) sheep; moving from city to city, school to school, crowd to crowd. Secretly I hated my parents for leaving Japan and raising me here. Back then I would've gladly exchanged whatever I had here just to be a normal student in Japan. I wish I could tell you how everything has changed since then. I wish everyone spoke Japanese so that everyone could hear what I hear when I listen to this song because no translation could ever come close to what this song has to offer. I wish I could explain why I don't need your love. I wish I could explain why I don't need to belong anywhere and that all I need is my own identity and this little thing called "faith". I wish I could explain why there's no more fear, no more loneliness, even at the darkest hour of the night. Unfortunately I can't, which is why I created this blog. It's not my intention to dramatize but it's just the way I am.

神道

Our economy's fucked up. It's so fucked up that a charismatic, energetic new President alone won't be able to fix it. You can place the blame on whomever you may like but this current situation was never any one person's responsibility. If the problem can be created by one person or one group, than it can just as easily be solved. Everyone contributes to the shape and direction of our economy, and in turn everyone is affected by it. No single mind can dictate how it moves and there lies it's strength, beauty, and danger. It sounds like one of those science fiction movies (think "I, Robot") in which the supercomputer does something no one predicted while still following the laws that govern it, and fucks everyone up.

In the beginning the difference between machines and humans were crystal clear. Computers were horribly inflexible because they were limited by simple algorithms due to insufficient technology. Deep Blue, the chess supercomputer that defeated world champion Gary Kasparov in 1997 was confused as an achievement in AI but it was only an achievement in computational power. Chess masters were better than average players not because they can predict more moves ahead, but because they can see the chess board at a higher level. Deep Blue won only because it had the ability to compute millions of moves per second, but in terms of software there was nothing remarkable. Computer science was always thought to have this element of "soul-lessness" that seperated it from humans. Now this difference is becoming grayer and grayer as collaboration, a large depository of library code, and higher level programming languages are becoming available. Like the economy, we are beginning to create code that is more powerful, complicated, and unpredictable. Sooner or later we're going to see software which will pass the Turing Test and shift the way in which we think of ourselves as this issue that has always existed yet repeatedly ignored will be forced into the faces of the most stubborn. Ideally. Unfortunately, passing judgment has never been our strong suite.

The Sphex wasp will sting a prey such as a cricket only enough so that it will be paralyzed. The wasp will then carry the prey to her nest, leave the paralyzed prey at the entrance of her burrow and check to make sure that all is well inside the burrow. Then she drags the prey into the nest and leave her eggs with the paralyzed prey never to come back again. When the eggs hatch, the newborn baby wasps will have the still alive and fresh (but paralyzed) prey to consume.

Through observation the wasp appears to have an unusually high level of intelligence, but upon further inspection it becomes obvious that this routine is rigidly programmed. If the paralyzed cricket is moved back when the wasp checks inside the nest, the wasp will drag the cricket back to the entrance and recheck inside the nest. On one recorded occasion this happened forty times with the exact same result.

When a dog sees it's owner throw it's favorite bone over a fence, the dog may see the bone on the other side of the fence and bark in frustration. The dog may see that there is a hole in the fence a good distance off but won't realize that by running to the hole and crawling through the hole, the dog can get to the delicious bone. In the problem space that the dog perceives, running to the hole = running away from the bone while in an abstracted problem space running to the hole = running towards the bone.

Both examples use creatures without the same level of intelligence as humans but the idea still applies to us all. We make the same mistakes over and over again because we don't notice the sameness of the repetitions. We can't get to our goal because we can't remap the problem space. We are at the highest echelon amongst creatures of this planet, but the further back we pull our perceptions and the higher up we raise our consciousness, our actions and thoughts may also seem rigid, mechanical, and just plain stupid.

Life is like

beer.

you can't fully appreciate quality lager if you binge keystone light every weekend

Call & Response

i love open source. quite simply it's an inevitable outcome of the information age and it's beaauuuuuutiful. it's cool that justin dillon took that idea and applied it to a humanitarian movement and it seems like he understands open source.

so where will open source take us? the question goes back to what the world looked like before technology. people are always driven to do stuff, and things had to get done. but without blackberries to keeps everyone connected to everyone else, people naturally formed structures that were hierarchical. kinda like standard deviation. but things are shifting now, and we're seeing a shift in power to the masses. do you see the change? humanity is not being dragged from the top, but moving in harmony. injustice and corruption is being exposed and punished. the gears and hinges are being polished and greased. the definition of self is shifting from 'I' to 'We' and identity will fade to black. humanity itself will form a consciousness and humanity itself will determine our fate. singularity.

one more thing. no one needs to be explained that human trafficking is "wrong", yet it still exists. there's players on both sides that are constantly moving the issue in different directions. i dont question justin's intentions but i ask myself, where does he think this is going? he mentioned several times that he had no idea what he was doing. he just found something he thought needed to be changed and went around trying to change it. honestly, that's awesome. but at the same time, like anyone else who strives for change, his efforts are ultimately

My destiny found me
It was clear why the struggle was so painful
Metamorphosis, this is what I changed to
And God, I'm so thankful

I think what I like about Nas is how dynamic his character has been throughout his career. His legendary debut album Illmatic received incredibly positive reviews for good reason. As a 21 year old his songs centered around what he observed in hometown Queensbridge, New York, and no one in the rap industry could portray life with such complex lyricism like he could. With obvious talent he rose to stardom pretty quickly, but his next two albums were received with mixed results. Everyone demanded another Illmatic, but always moving forward he continued to release music in his own direction. His fourth album Nastradamus was a complete tank and everyone HATED it. Critics cried out that he completely sold out and that his career was over. Jay-Z took the opportunity and shot down Nas in the song "Takeover" and declared himself the king of New York. With his future looking bleak, he released my personal favorite album Stillmatic. Don't get confused by the title though because this album is nothing like Illmatic. But instead of describing this album to you, I'll let the author do it himself. Like a true lyricist, he explains his album in one song better than I can in this entire post.

His evolution from street observer to over saturated superstar to his own personal enlightenment resulted in what I see in him now, a man with purpose. For that alone I have mucho respect for him.

Nas - One Mic

...in fact, I bet if they had a consciousness they would revere their hosts. They would probably do some kind of rain dance and shit in hopes that we don't send antibiotics all up in their grill. But like I already said, it's not that bad. In fact, I would argue that it is a thing of beauty.

I spent the weekend creating efficient search algorithms for my EECS project. remember in The Matrix keanu reeves was like "how do you stare at that thing?" referring to the cool streaming green lines on the screen. and the black guy was like "i see blondes, brunettes, redheads..." well i've been programming so much lately that i see an entire universe in that pixelated screen. i create and simulate worlds, mess around with variables to find unexpected results, and find cool new things that i never thought of before. it's gotten to the point where i'm starting to see the world in algorithms. let me tell you, human beings are one of the most beautiful creations ever. the complexity, detail, depth, everything extends infinitely off into the future. i can not tell you what we were designed for, but i can tell you that right now we have a tendency to act like viruses. through worn bodies and tired minds we continue to live

, and so if there is one thing we were designed to do it is to elevate ourselves to greater heights.

hofstadter, miyazaki, osamu, einstein, godel, parents, friends, sibling, etc. the list goes on...

If I have seen further it is only by standing on the shoulders of Giants. - Newton

"As long as man desires and seeks something, he remains unhappy."

Agree or Disagree? First answer the question, and then google who the quote came from, and then reevaluate the question.

The beautiful stories of 火の鳥 mesmerized me even when I first read this Tezuka Osamu masterpiece, but truthfully the themes blew past my head and I couldn't really grasp what his magnum opus was trying to convey. Now I'm starting to see the grand picture that he was trying to abstract. I'm not quite sure where I begin and everything else ends either.

Highly recommended.

So impressed with all you do
Tried so hard to be like you
Flew too high and burnt the wing
Lost my faith in everything

One of the necessities to create powerful art that transcends time seems to be an equally powerful inspiration. Not surprisingly, Trent Reznor rented the house where the infamous Manson Family murdered actress Sharon Tate to record his 1994 smash hit The Downward Spiral.

Unfortunately, since that album Trent struggled with depression and abuse of drug and alcohol. He stated in a magazine,
"...it was during that tour (The Downward Spiral) that problems started to arise. Prior to that I would have considered myself pretty normal. With the Downward Spiral, I can remember where I was in my head, what I was thinking, and I can remember writing that record, and the mindset. This record that was about an extension of me, became the truth fulfilling itself."

I suppose that's what inspired him because The Fragile is 23 tracks of raw anger, hatred, confusion, and desperation. But the true genius of The Fragile is it's ability to beautifully cloak it all with catchy hooks disguised under machine noise and heavy metal riffs. If you find yourself nodding your head to "The Day the World Went Away" even without any interest in Industrial music, it's because Trent can rival heavyweights like T-Pain in the art of writing catchy and memorable music. Yet for those seeking escape from "radio pop", NIN provides what you can call "angry pop"; everything from destitute whimpers to loud angry screaming. Ultimately although The Fragile may seem like a juvenile exploration of disillusioned emotions, if you close your eyes and raise up the volume I'm sure you will see as well as feel the universe Trent paints, rich with color and chaotic complexity.

I won't let you fall apart

from Physics 240....

"...interference of light waves is also the reason why thin films, such as soap bubbles, show colorful patterns"

When light refracts in the soap bubble, the wavelength and the color changes. The angle at which the soap bubble is viewed determines the color of the bubble. So what color is the bubble?

Politicians and citizens often choose a party that they believe agrees most with their own vision of a better government. They rally behind the color that represents their party and argue that the government of tomorrow should be a certain color. So what color is the ideal government?

OK it's a decently entertaining lecture but for those that are too impatient the bottom line is that this guy thinks that soon we're going to be able to modify our own brains and enter a new stage of evolution. Since the driving force behind this evolution won't be natural selection, we will evolve at an unnaturally fast rate. Is this possible?

The brain is a lot like a computer(to me at least). At the lowest level of a computer software we have machine language, simple 1 and 0s that conduct how the computer is operated. No one can look at machine language and understand what function it has. Thus people created assembly language, to "translate" machine language into something more recognizable by humans. By today's standards, it is still a very very simple low level language which can only manipulate symbols and signals. Thus people continue to create more and more complex computer languages in order to allow us to write more complex programs. Yet in the end, the most complex programs can be translated back to machine language, simple 1s and 0s.

In that sense, although to us the difference between a computer and human seems obvious (flexibility, predictability, self consciousness) and impossible to simulate perfectly, it is only because the technology we see is too simple. When machines get more and more complex and the amount of inputs and outputs becomes too large, even the creator of the machine can not fully predict how it will act. Kind of like how I'm pretty certain that this computer will not fail me while I'm writing this blog but every once in a while it's going to poop out and shut down on me.

If we are able to understand our brain at certain levels of complexity, it may be possible to manipulate them in predictable (and unpredictable) ways. Even more interesting, I think, is the possibility of separating the brain's functions from the physical brain, and thus having the ability to transfer our "software" to a hard drive. When the ghost is allowed to escape the shell, is this what we call immortality?